What exactly is it within me that so often accuses me of pursuing a second-rate profession? I come from a church that exalts overseas missions as the godliest of works, as well as am attending an (un)seminary that puts the push on to be working with the underprivileged, with the minorities of this city, and with those who are being persecuted. So... serving as a pastor in a small church in the middle of America... or working with AIDS victims in Africa? Stay here, in a place that I admit offers comfort on some levels... or move across the ocean and give my life to working with those who would never have heard of Christ without my having gone there (which some of my missionary friends would say also offer avenues towards safety, though this is quite foreign to my own thoughts and experience)? And some could say in the same vein that to work in a church is even more noteworthy than those who choose a sort of "marketplace" profession, though I myself would disagree on the basis of the priesthood of all believers.
Yes, yes... it is all a matter of perspective! But coming back to the question at hand, why am I continually haunted by the thought that to be a pastor is not as commendable as being a missionary? There are two realities (which I must be reminded of daily) that seemingly factor in; one, I wrestle with the concept of using the role that I have been called to by God to glorify myself. I have been given a gift... and it resides in the life of someone who loves to honor himself. So these issues reveal my own desire for more self-exaltation. But two, which is along the same lines, I have been called to do this. This isn't just some profession that I have chosen out of an array of other veisible options. The pastoral ministry is my goal... it is my drive... it has become to me a passion that is touched upon and excited in me all the time. This is what I want to do... though sometimes I question how that will ever become a reality when my own inability seems to shine through at any given instance.
So who has the right to question or even demean my desire for service in light of all believers being equal before God? I must fight against that which furthers that sort of vocational / spiritual hierarchy within the Body. And I myself must be reminded that God has called different people to different roles... and who are we to say that one person's role is far more valuable than another's? If we have been called, we are compelled to follow He who invites us into what we are to make of our lives. I sense that there is a glory that awaits each and every one of us who remains faithful to the Father, who sees far better the plan that He has intended for the vision of His Kingdom than those who are submitted members.
The way I see it, some people have been unqiuely gifted and prepared for overseas work. At this point in my life, I am being crafted for a different role - filled with the Spirit and anointed to do this task. And it would be wise of us to carry our vocations in a place separated far from the place of our identities (primarily the source for such). What would it look like for a person to hold his or her vocation with an open hand, rather than using it for selfish gain and status within their community, church, or world? At the end of the day, we must seek the Father's will and do what He lays upon my heart (though it is this very heart level in which I wonder if I have just been successful in avoiding work that I just don't want to do... or even fear is not in me to do). But for me, I fear that I am possibly seeking glory in the process of being treated so poorly. It's a shame that I so often play into the Devil's hands by twisting that which has been given by God to build His Kingdom to fashion my own.
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