.: the God of the free :.

Recently I have been growing more and more uncomfortable with this phenomena of worshipping the concept of America. I have no problem with supporting the cause of freedom and fighting for that... but we should not be fighting to protect America as a regime. It is not about the USA - it is about people being free, and us working to liberate those who are not. When we are singing songs about this place called America, and not about how we are what we are by God's grace, we place our focus on a competing kingdom. Don't just sing about "the land of the free" - sing and worship the God who has worked to set us free! This is certainly not intended as a shot against our soldiers... but if they think that are only fighting for America - rather than what it ought to rightly stand for and represent (freedom and love) - they are fighting for a finite regime, one that continually turns its back on the One who liberated it first and foremost!

.: a peace that breathes :.

Something beautiful happens when all of our relationships (with God, with others, and with self) are all in harmony and perfect working order. When everything is at peace, and we see better than ever before where our heart lies in the midst of being involved with everyone around us, we breathe deeper and long to venture even further. And we know it at a soul level, when everything is as it should be. We have longed for this place, and now that we are here, we would be even willing to fight for it at the first inkling of it passing. What are the things that so often steal it from our grasp? We never wanted to stir things up for that effect alone, nor would we hold onto our woundedness once we see it for what it is (though once this was not true). And yet we live day to day, knowing that our honesty may cost us again in the near future. But it is a price that we would pay time and again for what it promises down the road. The defensiveness that raises itself up in the face of being cut deeply has its limitations, for it will never allow us to grow. We want to be here. We have longed to be here. And we might even hope to bring others with us, knowing that they too are weighed down in this particular section of their own stories. But we can rest only in the hope that we will experience this feeling once and for all in the return of the One who heals what so often finds itself wronged.

.: back again :.

First day of Summer 2006. Sooo much stuff to pack and unpack and repack. Settling into life back home. Rainy weekends are my reward for finishing off strong. More than passed the one class that I was worried about (B+). Wishing I was where I am longing to be. Periods of silence and settledness move slowly back into my life. This is unblazed territory for me... but the beauty is overwhelming. No plan for how to receive the people and moments that surround me. Just take it in and listen to the words my heart forms for each instance. A life that throws me from managable to unpredictable and back again. Mornings that are slow but start early. All of this was not to be expected. But age and experience has made safety and control seem more useless in my grip. Contining on...