It is just not working! Once again, you are finding yourself at the end, cornered by the situation that you put yourself in to begin with. Things aren't turning out like you had hoped for. And though the Enemy is a great liar, you still took him at his word. He somehow got you to believe that he was good for at least that one thing you were holding out for. The problem now is that you are going to have to find a new way of scratching that itch. You are going to have to learn to deal with that burning cry that longs to be heard and answered. But though you feel like you can never go back, there is still a way out. The only question is, do you want to be saved? Do you want to get out? Your faulty promises are coming up short, one by one, as everyboyd begins to surrender the trust that they had placed in you for so long. You had come up for air not too long ago. What happened? Who or what threw you off course all over again? By now, you must agree with me - this just is not working! Your words are catching up with you. Every lie upon every other lie is being discovered, and we are left to piece together our best assumptions about whatever became of you. You swear by the code that you are untouchable. You refuse to give anyone that sort of control over you ever again. And sadly enough, the ones who might be useful in moments like this are headspun over what they could offer you... or even if you want to be brought back. Great question, but have you asked it to yourself? The pain increases as you start to imagine the reasons that others use to convince themselves of why you just might not be worth the effort. My heart breaks for you, especially since I had hoped for better. Come to think of it, we probably all had. But that only places an even greater weight upon you, guilt upon guilt, which only blinds you to the realities of what is still to come. Your kingdom is crumbling all around you. Nothing you placed your hands upon is offering you the upper hand, nor is it giving you any sort of support or grip. But you are never out of His hands. The one who offers you life and peace, He stands ready to rush in with those very things, if only you would put down your guard. Your life, the one you have been fashioning just out of everyone's sight, is over as we know it. Praise God, it fell apart, the very thing that was never meant to grant you what you have been longing for. I weep, for I know the road back is a long one. A quiet and silent one. And it will demand much, if not all, of you if you truly do intend to make the journey. But there is much to be done, for much was done to get you to where you now stand. Yet a new name awaits you, though this will forever be marked in the minds of those who fail to love you as they should (my own mind included). Chapters are being written. Who knows when the final act will begin to be penned? Seek His face while you still can. Find something greater than what you set out to find. Meet the Father in ways that so many of us will never get to experience. It will cost you, as it has so much already. But we need people like you, ones who found the strength to rest fully upon their weakness. For in that, He is discovered anew. Come while you can.
Friday, February 23, 2007
.: finding new ways :.
It is just not working! Once again, you are finding yourself at the end, cornered by the situation that you put yourself in to begin with. Things aren't turning out like you had hoped for. And though the Enemy is a great liar, you still took him at his word. He somehow got you to believe that he was good for at least that one thing you were holding out for. The problem now is that you are going to have to find a new way of scratching that itch. You are going to have to learn to deal with that burning cry that longs to be heard and answered. But though you feel like you can never go back, there is still a way out. The only question is, do you want to be saved? Do you want to get out? Your faulty promises are coming up short, one by one, as everyboyd begins to surrender the trust that they had placed in you for so long. You had come up for air not too long ago. What happened? Who or what threw you off course all over again? By now, you must agree with me - this just is not working! Your words are catching up with you. Every lie upon every other lie is being discovered, and we are left to piece together our best assumptions about whatever became of you. You swear by the code that you are untouchable. You refuse to give anyone that sort of control over you ever again. And sadly enough, the ones who might be useful in moments like this are headspun over what they could offer you... or even if you want to be brought back. Great question, but have you asked it to yourself? The pain increases as you start to imagine the reasons that others use to convince themselves of why you just might not be worth the effort. My heart breaks for you, especially since I had hoped for better. Come to think of it, we probably all had. But that only places an even greater weight upon you, guilt upon guilt, which only blinds you to the realities of what is still to come. Your kingdom is crumbling all around you. Nothing you placed your hands upon is offering you the upper hand, nor is it giving you any sort of support or grip. But you are never out of His hands. The one who offers you life and peace, He stands ready to rush in with those very things, if only you would put down your guard. Your life, the one you have been fashioning just out of everyone's sight, is over as we know it. Praise God, it fell apart, the very thing that was never meant to grant you what you have been longing for. I weep, for I know the road back is a long one. A quiet and silent one. And it will demand much, if not all, of you if you truly do intend to make the journey. But there is much to be done, for much was done to get you to where you now stand. Yet a new name awaits you, though this will forever be marked in the minds of those who fail to love you as they should (my own mind included). Chapters are being written. Who knows when the final act will begin to be penned? Seek His face while you still can. Find something greater than what you set out to find. Meet the Father in ways that so many of us will never get to experience. It will cost you, as it has so much already. But we need people like you, ones who found the strength to rest fully upon their weakness. For in that, He is discovered anew. Come while you can.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
.: moving to keep from standing still :.
I am doing everything within my power to stay awake and alive. I am doing everything that I can do to not go numb. I am doing anything and everything possible to come to grips with my ongoing story. And I am not convinced that I truly do get it. I simply cannot afford myself that false luxury. But even though I know so very little about my own arrogance and selfish pride, the amazing thing is that I am surrounded by the deep love of God. And though I have been catching myself lately in the act of adapting myself to my newfound environments, all I can do is silently mark the moments in my own heart. This I know, I desperately need to recover a sense of confession before the Lord. I need to stop and listen, especially since life has gradually grown far too crazy for me to stay attentive to the voices that I truly need to hear. I keep company with those whom have incredible addictions, and I know enough to know that I am an addict myself. And the arrogance... oh, the arrogance... that has come with thinking that I get it and others do not! And maybe it is because I belong to a generation of people who do not know how to care for their souls. Do you even know the intense sadness that this reality stirs within me? But who will hear my prayers? Who will receive my confession? I desire to learn how to speak far less and listen far more. But who would deny the fact that it is far easier to do something great, rather than be something great? To make a name for myself, instead of resting in the confidence that my Father in Heaven knows my name. But people all around me are losing their sensations for life and pain and joy. Who are we kidding? Every single one of us threatens the other. And what we are left with is a social context that leaves so many of us uncomfortable with the direction of our lives, seemingly matched with nothing at our disposal to turn it all around. I must pause... and realize that I am uneasy with the fact that I do not get to be everybody's savior, even the people that I love the most. My story is not their story. And thank God, their story does not have to be mine. But where do I draw the line? What do I reclaim in my very heart that I have mistakenly traded for the sake of fitting in and being celebrated? As I find myself peeking out of my various shelters, I am reminded that it is best that I come out as soon as possible. The Father is continually calling me out of hiding, and to reclaim the strength that I have lost by attempting to keep myself completely covered. This is my choice to make, and whether I do it or pass on the chance to do so falls on no one other than me. But what must I sacrifice to return to where I once was, or where I need to be? No more denial. No more rationalization. And no more negotiations with the one who longs to see me suffer, no matter how sweet the deal is. Ego really has no good place in all of these things. This I know for sure; it is not going to help me by leaving such things unnamed.
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