.: if you want me to :.

(This song speaks my heart of right now...)



"The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear

And I don't know the reason why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley If You want me to



Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet

So if all of these trials bring me closer to you

Then I will go through the fire if You want me to



It may not be the way I would have chosen

When you lead me through a world that's not my home

But You never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone



So when the whole world turns against me and I'm all by myself

And I can't hear You answer my cries for help

I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through

And I will go through the valley If You want me to"

- Ginny Owens

.: a movie script ending :.

I often get the same odd feeling right after I have had a great conversation with some friends, or after I have preached or taught at a youth group or in church, or even after I have gotten off the phone with someone whom I have been meaning to talk to for some time. The feeling is one of a strong sense that those words will be my very last... that I am in fact going to die some sort of tragic death and that those words - that moment in time when I truly connected with the heart of another individual or group of people (and vice versa) - will be my last. That moment, those words, those particular themes of conversation, will echo into the future whenever people think back on the life of Dave McAllister.



I had that feeling last Saturday after having lunch with some friends, and I was strangley okay with my impending death. A car accident... a sudden heart attack... something goes wrong and I don't survive... and that lunch was my last moment on this earth. That part of my heart and mind brings some of the deepest feelings into the frontal lob of my brain in such a way that I don't know whether to laugh out of "what a ride it has been", or to cry because I could have done so much more.



I recently heard of the scene in which someone was asked of what they would do with the next 20 years they had been given because of their heart operation, and that brought me back to this theme in my life - "living a life that will be remembered". A speaker recently reminded his listeners that all secrets will one day come to surface. No event or action or moment in time, no matter how dark or isolated, will not one day be revealed and exposed. And what will it be for you and I that everyone will see and have to reckon with in the face of who they thought us to be? I have secrets, as do you. Will they shatter the message that I wanted to leave with my life? Will they tarnish the example that I would hope to leave?



I am not trying to be deep... I am only expressing the given centerpoint of my thoughts and desires as of ten minutes ago. I am being faced with the fact that I too will one day perish, and with my one life, I want to go in a way that shakes the norm and rattles quiet motionless lives. But if a simple death is in my future, I guess that will have to do, for ultimately I am called to trust in a God who controls my end as He originated my beginning. Such things certainly impact a lunch appointment at Red Robin or the like, for my words are made memories in the lives of those who speak and hear them.

.: a much needed calling out :.

It’s time to start thinking of how we might begin to bring ourselves back to an appropriate balance.



As a member of Regent College, a seminary (though the leadership regards it as an “un-seminary”) on the UBC campus of Vancouver, British Columbia, I find myself in a bracket of the religious faith that has come under attack from many pulpits, stages, services, through various pastors, leaders, people who have a point to prove (be it right or wrong). And I will be open with my own issues, simply by saying that I too have led in the decrying and criticizing of religious schools of training for the sake of uplifting the "untrained". In a time when we have shifted the weight within the Christian community (i.e., the Church) in which the “professionally trained” (I say that with the intended cynicism) come under criticism – even disapproval - and the people who fill the pews every Sunday are lifted up as the new highlighted leaders, I have come to a point where I feel we need to regain a true sense of balance within our view of what type of leadership is proper for our times.



Let me say it in simpler terms; seminaries and Bible colleges are not the enemy of the organized Christian faith! In some of the “loudest” sermons (maybe not the ones who spoke the clearest, but certainly the most vocal) throughout our community of faith, we have for some time glorified the art of staying out of religious schools of any type. I have on more than one occasion been suddenly placed in the group that is highlighted as the “modern day Pharisees” simply because of the place that I am a part of. I will say it again… it’s time for us to initiate the search for an accurate balance of all segments of Christian leadership and supporters! I find it hard to believe that in our recent deepening as a community, during a time in which we are finally beginning to break through and actually live as the “priesthood of all believers” (1 Peter 2:9) that we truly are (i.e., that the pastor and lay person equally participate in work of the ministry), that we have chose to flip our view of subjection and parade the common man at the “contemporarily accepted” condemnation of those involved in religious training. Oh, we have said it plenty of times, especially those of us who experienced anything inappropriate in the context of a Christian college. But we need to address this as of yesterday – beginning from the day that we moved from one wrong view to another – and honor all levels of training.



From discipleship groups to home churches to seminaries throughout the world, we need to see that all groups of preparation and education (certified or not) can have certain elements that truly are disservices to our faith community, as we continue to search for what it means to find authenticity as believers and churches. But we cannot… we must no longer… belittle and discredit seminaries, Bible colleges, and other similar schools, simply because certain factions of such take points of doctrine and/or practice to extreme legalistic, unbiblical degrees. All parties involved play an important role in the work of the Kingdom. And for those who have been made to feel regarded as the inferior subjects of those with “religious” degrees, let me speak for those who agree with my angle of thinking that I truly am sorry for such religious bigotry. Never have any of us had any God-given grounds to hold ourselves above you for any reason, especially for religious training (tools that we have been given to edify the Body). But we cannot continue to spread such prejudiced type of rhetoric by accusing those in training of systematizing our faith any more than we can accuse laymen of caring too little about the faith (misconstrued from our biasedly seeing it as their “simple knowledge” and personal choice to not “learn the language”).



We need men and women from all parts, with all degrees and levels of schooling, for God has called us each to different fields, having prepared us in different ways. We cannot make religious schooling the enemy in our search for genuine faith in Christ and desire to live in out in real ways. We are under the age of grace – let us extend it to our students and graduates of like faith!

.: friday mourning :.

I woke up this morning with the feeling that I would love to stay in bed but I have sooo much work to do. So I crawled out, did my usual routine, and then attempted to read a little. And then, from out of nowhere, the gods of sneezing slammed down upon me! I don't think I have gone from feeling good to feeling stuffed up and sick in such a small time (about 5 minutes). But I think a dose of iTunes Radio (AfterhoursDJs.org) and raspberry yogurt on eggos has helped rescue me out of the funk.



Question for the morning: "What 3 movies have most affected you, shocked you, impacted you, or instituted a change in your life?" (Post your comments...)

.: scrubbin the blog :.

As I settle into the life of being a blog owner, I took the time to give mine a cleaning. I kinda got sick of all the long list of links (who really cares about Rotten Tomatoes anyways?) so I cleaned 'er up and made 'er a little easier to work with. My favorite new feature is "What's in My CD Player?", being a big fan of the audio arts. I will try and keep it up-to-date as best as I can so that I can offer everyone who reads this blog some new things to paruse. Let me take this opportunity to thank everyone who reads this site on a common basis. I really would love for this to be a place where we can share in something personal, challenging, and amusingly entertaining. It begins with what I choose to offer, but in turn, please accept this as an invitation to interact and offer what makes you who YOU are!

.: a leaning towards center :.

It seems the littlest things make me miss home lately. A small beagle with a raincoat on... a movie poster by the door to the tiniest theater... children at soccer practice in a field that I drive by... even the tempature of the evening air can draw my mind back home. And it's not even the sort of draw back home that I used to feel last term at Regent. It's just the calm reminder - even so much as a play to my memories and yearnings - that this place is not forever. This place is not even for the majority of my span on earth. Nor is my abode a hundred miles south of here. And that's the crazy thing, that I am starting to discover that when my heart warms over at the sight of something random, yet strangely familiar, it's not speaking to my wanting to be back in Mount Vernon as much as it speaks to my longing to finally be "home". A place of invitation... a place of stories and laughable memories... a place of friends and family... a place of calm amidst the history of storms... a place where I belong and have importance and a role to play in both action and silence.







"You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden, even though you have some place where you can put your stuff, that idea of home is gone. You'll see when you move out, it just sort of happens one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this right of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start. It's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place." - G.S.

.: a man much like myself :.

I can hear the words now... "Not you too, Moses! I have come to expect that sort of disobedience from the Israelites... but not from you!". As I have been working my way through the Pentateuch in one weekend, there have been several themes that have been central to the biblical narrative - one of the primary ones being the people of Israel's tendancy to moan and groan and whine about every little thing - but the strongest theme that resonated with me was Moses' place in the whole situation (that of God's movement within the people of Israel, whom were to be HIS people). This is a man who dragged his feet from the beginning (Exodus 4:10), taking every opportunity to make it clear to God that he didn't feel that his being used by Him was such a good idea. But as you continue reading, he chooses to intentionally keep himself at the center of what God was wanting to do with him. All throughout the following chapters and books (Exodus through Numbers), Moses chooses humility as the foundation of his leading the people during the forty years in the desert, even when he could have brag because of his position as God's "man". Numbers 12:3 even gives us the blurb that "Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth". The opening Old Testament books constantly speak of a leader who understood his place before God, he knew his history and where he had come from, and he chose to be used in the fashion of God's plan rather than his own... until you read Numbers 20. It is here that Moses stumbles, and he stumbles in a pretty big way. I don't know if it was out of simple foolish frustration. I don't know if he was absent minded and simply forgot God's instructions. I don't know if he had some hidden agenda and was announcing his intentions to God to "take over from there". But in direct disobedience, Moses chose to take matters into his own hands, and rather than speaking to the rock and prodcuing water for the people, he struck it with his staff... and cost himself the greatest price that he could have paid at that point (the Promised Land). The language of the chapter implies that Moses shared some of what God must have held for the Israelites; frustration with their disobedience and grumbling, and just the general desire that they would "get it". But because Moses moved and behaved as he did, God reacted in like fashion as he had with the people of Israel and hit Moses where it would speak the loudest. And I say it with Him: "Not you too, Moses! You were the man of God... you were His voice in the wilderness for His people... you were doing so good! Why let your guard down now and react in the wrong way? Why disobey in the place and position that God placed you?" I want to end with some dissonance, and not offer a cleaned-up tidy phrase of how we must obey God, because at this point in the issue, I share two feelings. Number one, Moses was wrong because he didn't follow through on what God wanted. And number two, God feels mean that this point because despite the number of times Moses had done things right, He hit Moses pretty hard for such a simple mistake. This passage means more to me as a leader because it emphases the responsibility of my role as the same sort of "man used by God". For the rest of the people to grumble and drag their heels, God chooses to pour out grace and "put up" with their sinful attitudes... but as a pastor, teacher, and leader, God expects more out of me. My obedience is simply that much more necessary. And my disobedience may cost me dearly, despite other people's receiving of grace for years and years of sin. Even if it feels like God is overreacting in His response.

.: educated fools, we are :.

The topic of last night’s deepest conversation (between Mac – my roommate – and I) was the nature of our responsibility before God for what we have received with regards to seminary education. It began with our wrestling with what we are to do with the uneducated man in the middle of nowhere, who knows nothing of exposition, knows nothing of biblical exegesis, knows nothing of right translations and Greek paradigms and systematic theology… and yet has a simple love for Christ as his Savior and Lord. Our ultimate conclusion was that it was a matter of stewardship before God with what we have been given – the man with his simple love for Christ, who chose to not go beyond the simplicity of “Jesus Loves Me, This I Know” (not to imply that such makes him my lesser on any regard before God’s grace)… and my relationship with God, which includes both simple faith (I pray I might never truly grow beyond that!) and graduate level training for the ministry (providing richer knowledge, which brings with it greater responsibility). If push came to shove, the two dominant images of the New Testament for exemplary faith (if I can call it that) are a “child” and a “fool”. When Christ illustrates for His followers and on-lookers who is the greatest in terms of the Kingdom of Heaven, He highlights not a teacher of the law (the modern day pastor or priest) but an innocent, unsophisticated, often naïve child (Matthew 18:1-5). And in 1 Corinthians, as Paul is working through how our wisdom plays a part of our faith in God, he calls our trust in God foolishness in the eyes of the world (1 Corinthians 3:19, 4:10). He doesn’t parade how our faith is the thing that “makes the most sense”, or is the most provable (both being claims that we hear nowadays), but he calls it plain foolishness in the context of the various ideologies of this world that so many lost souls are holding onto. Wanna become a Christian? Become like a simple child…and be willing to be seen as a fool. Christ even prays at one point the reality, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children” (Matthew 11:25). But beyond all this, it blows my mind to live in the reality that God is walking on different paths with various believers, all the way from British Columbia to Kenya to Ireland to islands and habitats yet to be discovered. Which in turn means that my own faith is not the standard by which my fellow brothers and sisters are measured, for the simple fact that our divine relationships are on a personal level in which God is working in different ways. So who is to say where one ought to be outside of overall growth (no matter at what rate, for this too is a personal issue)? These issues boil down to one element: that of simple faith in God to provide salvation on our behalf through the work of Christ – apart from any of my own works. Nothing I will ever receive with regards to a theological education will do anything less than foster greater responsibility before God for what I have done with what I have been given (ex. “The Parable of the Buried Talents”, Matthew 25:14-30). So be it… we shall become like children, we shall be seen as fools…and in such, we shall honor Christ for our faith will stand upon His work rather than our own.

.: li'l brudder :.

In honor of the chick I met this morning on the bus because of my Strong Sad shirt, I want to present you with the best Strong Bad email... in my humble opinion... in the world! I wet myself watching this over and over again - it really is that funny! And for all you guys, you might wanna ask all the ladies to leave the room. Click below and let the healing begin!

.: the great white north :.

I am officially moved back to my motherland of Canada. My new place is suprisingly close to my old one, which is kinda nice. My roommate and I are enjoying our day off before classes begin tomorrow... but with the weather being rain followed by more rain, we are reduced to watching Simpsons and listening to U2... and checking my email about a dozen times. I have a bunch of things to get done, one of which was update my good ole blog, so for now all I can say is that it's good to be back up here. I am looking forward to catching up with old friends, and hopefully making some new ones. This Fall quarter seems to be shaping up to be a good one, but obviously tons of work. May my time up here be a rich one, focused on preparing my heart and mind for the directions that the Father has for me following graduation!

.: the gift that keeps on giving :.

I found a great article off the Method X website about the gift of singleness. I have enclosed the actual article and site link, so give 'er a read and maybe post some of your own benefits of "flying solo". I especially appreciate #12... AMEN!

********************************************************************************************

Being Single ... A Gift???

By Rie Rainer



Being single is not for the faint of heart. There are periods of loneliness and fear, constant questions about when you'll settle down, pressure from family and friends to bring forth grandchildren, and sympathetic looks from married people who believe you are missing out on something. Not to mention the blind dates and having to go alone to parties and weddings. If you're single, you can probably add your own frustrations to this list.



However, incredible experiences of growth and joy can also occur because you're single. For example, when you aren't in a committed relationship, you can focus more fully on knowing God and understanding yourself. Have you considered the gifts of being single? Below are 25 suggestions. Let them stimulate your thinking about other positives of singleness. Then, the next time you are feeling sad and lonely about not being in a relationship, pull out your list and be thankful.



1. Sleeping spread-eagle in the middle of the bed

2. Cap'n Crunch for dinner

3. Singing as loud as you want in the shower

4. Total control of the television remote

5. No need to shower or brush your teeth on Saturdays

6. Spur-of-the-moment vacation trips

7. Need some quiet time? No problem!

8. A loaf of bread lasts all week

9. When the phone rings, you can almost guarantee it's for you

10. More devotional time

11. Nobody laughs when you walk around the house naked

12. Leaving the house without someone asking you where you're going

13. Turning up the music really loud whenever you feel like it

14. Always enough hot water for a shower

15. Hearing a voice speaking to you, and knowing there's a good chance it's either God or you're crazy

16. Eating ice cream from the container

17. More time for sports and exercising

18. Your pets give you all their love

19. Sleeping in on the weekends

20. Meeting new people to date

21. Always having time for friends

22. Sleeping on the couch does not mean you're in trouble

23. No need to dirty a cup when you want some milk

24. No compromising when decorating the house

25. Learning that only you can make yourself happy



http://www.methodx.net/articles/columns.asp?act=showitem&item_id=198341

.: musing recollection :.

This is my last week here in Mount Vernon, what with seminary starting back up next Monday. I am extremely excited for this Fall quarter because I have a sweet place (which I finally got to see yesterday and was blown away) and only have classes on two days (which might become only one day if I drop my fourth class). I cannot believe how fast this summer has gone. Allow me to recollect of my adventures and journeys during the summer of 2004. Traveled to Kauai with my family (minus my sister). Went and saw my best friend in Gresham, Oregon a couple times. Lost my friend Mark to Japan for four excruciating months. Dropped my brother off at college in Southern California. Had the opportunity to be involved in two different small groups – one with three High School guys, and one with several college aged guys. Was in a wedding for my crabbing buddy Ryan. Taught High School Sunday School for a couple months. House-sat a couple times for school money. Went crabbing and clamming a couple times. Attempted to give up caffeine and red meat. Moved from our old house to my parent’s new one. Taught myself to wake up at 5:30 in the morning. Preached at the church this past weekend. Saw way too many movies. Went out to eat way too many times (for a school bound / money needing guy). And watched as God allowed me to sit and simmer in mystery and exposure, both of which seem to indicate will follow me to school next week. I cannot believe that I arrived in April with tons of free time on my hands, only to wake up this morning to the reality that a transition is around the bend. I have felt soulless at times this summer, in such a way that I am moving too fast and experience far too many things that I feel like things happen to me externally, but they are far from impacting my heart. And at the same time, I have seen elements of my heart in such a way that I have experienced liberation on a level beyond what is common. Old issues have deepened their roots in ways, new issues have been fodder for challenge and victory. Growth has been at a deeper degree than the past, and yet I have really felt surround with what is “old hat”. Successes and failures – I cannot struggle with the apathy and misused strength of these months. I can only look ahead to the future with the greatest of hopes that I will plant my feet on firmer ground next year, with the desire for richer faith at the center of less sight. And maybe, just maybe, that is what this summer was all about.

.: our martin luthers :.

Who are the men and women of our Christian times that we speak of in our messages? I ask that question for the simple fact that the theologians of the past are utterly useless in the context of young men and women who have not been raised with any telling of who they are. Who are our “Martin Luthers”? Where are our “Dietrich Bonhoeffers”? The most familiar name that we can connect with as a generation is C.S. Lewis, who is a great figure but certainly not the sole contributor of his times. Who are the people playing a part as the shapers of our modern theology nowadays? Who are the figures that we can quote in our messages and look to as the key figures of our church and sacred culture, as well as bleeding into secular culture? I mean, who are the “Francis Schaeffers” of our times that are leading us into cherishing Christ and lovingly confronting and graciously embracing our culture for the sake of encouragement and impact? I know that there are real answers, men and women that are in fact at the center point of these crucial roles, figures carving out various paths and testing (and retesting) the intellectual waters so as to sharpen our minds and gird our hearts unto Christ. But who are they? And even more importantly, who are they for you? I have my list, but I want to open up opportunity for discussion on this simple thought: I cannot quote anyone beyond the 1970’s in my messages and sermons because of the fact that there is not a familiarity for names of persons older than that… which is tremendously sad because of the fact that our history lies way beyond the past 30+ years. Any thoughts?