.: a man much like myself :.

I can hear the words now... "Not you too, Moses! I have come to expect that sort of disobedience from the Israelites... but not from you!". As I have been working my way through the Pentateuch in one weekend, there have been several themes that have been central to the biblical narrative - one of the primary ones being the people of Israel's tendancy to moan and groan and whine about every little thing - but the strongest theme that resonated with me was Moses' place in the whole situation (that of God's movement within the people of Israel, whom were to be HIS people). This is a man who dragged his feet from the beginning (Exodus 4:10), taking every opportunity to make it clear to God that he didn't feel that his being used by Him was such a good idea. But as you continue reading, he chooses to intentionally keep himself at the center of what God was wanting to do with him. All throughout the following chapters and books (Exodus through Numbers), Moses chooses humility as the foundation of his leading the people during the forty years in the desert, even when he could have brag because of his position as God's "man". Numbers 12:3 even gives us the blurb that "Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth". The opening Old Testament books constantly speak of a leader who understood his place before God, he knew his history and where he had come from, and he chose to be used in the fashion of God's plan rather than his own... until you read Numbers 20. It is here that Moses stumbles, and he stumbles in a pretty big way. I don't know if it was out of simple foolish frustration. I don't know if he was absent minded and simply forgot God's instructions. I don't know if he had some hidden agenda and was announcing his intentions to God to "take over from there". But in direct disobedience, Moses chose to take matters into his own hands, and rather than speaking to the rock and prodcuing water for the people, he struck it with his staff... and cost himself the greatest price that he could have paid at that point (the Promised Land). The language of the chapter implies that Moses shared some of what God must have held for the Israelites; frustration with their disobedience and grumbling, and just the general desire that they would "get it". But because Moses moved and behaved as he did, God reacted in like fashion as he had with the people of Israel and hit Moses where it would speak the loudest. And I say it with Him: "Not you too, Moses! You were the man of God... you were His voice in the wilderness for His people... you were doing so good! Why let your guard down now and react in the wrong way? Why disobey in the place and position that God placed you?" I want to end with some dissonance, and not offer a cleaned-up tidy phrase of how we must obey God, because at this point in the issue, I share two feelings. Number one, Moses was wrong because he didn't follow through on what God wanted. And number two, God feels mean that this point because despite the number of times Moses had done things right, He hit Moses pretty hard for such a simple mistake. This passage means more to me as a leader because it emphases the responsibility of my role as the same sort of "man used by God". For the rest of the people to grumble and drag their heels, God chooses to pour out grace and "put up" with their sinful attitudes... but as a pastor, teacher, and leader, God expects more out of me. My obedience is simply that much more necessary. And my disobedience may cost me dearly, despite other people's receiving of grace for years and years of sin. Even if it feels like God is overreacting in His response.