.: one :.

You only get one chance
Is this how you want to spend it?
What if you waste it?
What if something better comes along later?
What if it is just around the corner?
Do you really want to come this far
Only to spend it like this?
Are you sure that you are ready to commit yourself to this decision?
Do you have what it takes to follow through?
Especially if and when it turns out to not be what you had expected?

At some point you are going to have to draw a line in the sand
At some point you are going to have to make this utmost important decision
At some point you are going to have to push all in and risk it all
If you want to win as big as you have been longing for
Waiting is only going to cause more confusion and up the ante that much more
And as you grow more suspicious
You will make it harder and harder to do on into the future

There is something deeper here than happiness
There is something richer here than success
There is something larger than just what you can see for yourself
Your eyes are beginning to open
But only as you continue to focus on what's before you
You cannot lose
If only you would hold onto the single thing that no one can keep you from
That which you possess
That which you have been hiding from
That which has come to you
But only by differing accounts of a great price
That which no one does like unto you

Do that
Be that
Live the life that your heart is begging for
Though you have so often rehearsed how to silence it
Do so no more
And hear it cry aloud in tones beyond measure or control

.: from manual to invitation :.

The Scriptures have always been a fundamental part of my life as a follower of Christ. Even at an early age, much of my experience as a Christian was having my father gather all of the family together in the living room and reading to us out of Psalms and Proverbs. But it was not until I was in High School that I began to consider the idea of how exactly I was to interpret the words, concepts, and themes of the Bible. At some level, I grew up with the assumption that the power of the Word simply came through reading it. It was a wholly different question of what the lenses and filters through which I received the text truly were (something that I did not receive education in until my time at a Christian liberal arts college). Those elements have continually been shaped, as well as are continuing to be fashioned during my time here at Regent.

My understanding of how to read and interpret the Scriptures has been formed through my involvement in three specific contexts and experiences: growing up in a Baptist church, studying at a fundamental college, and recently serving in Youth Ministries. Each of these informs the way that I approach the biblical text as both a pastor and as a Christian in some way or fashion. My view of the Bible was primarily instilled through the teaching that I sat under up until about seven years ago, having been instructed by both pastors and professors who held to a literal interpretation for the most part. The sections of Scripture that I believed to be taken figuratively were the ones that made sense to consider as such (the visions of the Old Testament prophets, as well as the book of Revelation), but other than these parts, I have learned to take what each author has written at face value. For the majority of my life, I have considered the Scriptures to be a text that instructs us with regards to living the Christian life, done so through its fundamental commands as to what to do, as well as what not to do. It has not been until the past five years that this perspective have been personally challenged and reconstructed in my own life because of study and personal experience.

In principle, I believe that the person who desires to grow in faith and righteousness as a disciple of Christ must be consistently reading through, as well as ruminating over, the Word of God. In the same way that we cannot operate a vehicle without a manual, nor construct an object without instructions, we will never find growth as believers apart from discovering the truths of the Bible and seeking to apply them to our own lives. But in practice, it has been a struggle to habitually read the Bible for much of my life. More often then not, I have made rash commitments to reading far more of the Word than I have in the past, only to find myself failing some time soon after. This has been largely because of my attempting to remain faithful to such a task purely by means of my own "flesh", rather than depending upon the Spirit to form it as a habit within my life.

Unfortunately, the times of success (in terms of continuing to soak in the Scriptures) have been diminished in my own life by initial commitments that eventually went up in smoke. The specific strategies that have failed to keep me plugged into the Scriptures were often unsuccessful because I failed to make the connection between what I was reading at that time with my own context of living, especially in terms of my internal desires, fears, hopes, expectations, and deep questions concerning reality and purpose. Because I failed to see during those times how the Bible was shedding light on something greater than my own tinted perspective on life (colored by the accusations of the Enemy, as well as the desires of my own flesh to live apart from God having gone unchecked), I have often given up on such well-intentioned resolutions. But as I grow older, such failures are occurring less and less.

Overall, my time here at Regent College has played a fundamental role in developing a far more healthy perspective concerning how to read and interpret the Scriptures according to their God-given purpose. Having received significant instruction, it has become my conviction that the Scriptures are first and foremost a text concerning the relationship of divinity with humanity. In turn, for us to simply peruse the Word of God for tips and tidbits on how to escape hell and to appease God is to read it for less than its inherent design. The words of Scripture are in essence words that invite us into fellowship with God. They are words that shape and guide our hearts and lives, for its various narratives relate to what life was intended to be prior to the Fall of Humanity (Genesis 3). Beyond just the language of commands and warnings, the Word of God speaks to the potential of life in the Lord, one that is marked by liberation, grace, love, and divine friendship.

.: well worth the trip :.

I am about 48 hours away from ditching the school work, packing my passport, getting in the car with my roommate, driving across the border, picking up my brother, continuing on to Seattle... and seeing the second greatest band in the world: Coldplay. It is roughly going to be a seven hour round trip just to see them, but it is well worth the trip down there just to get to see them perform some of my favorite songs. I had the opportunity to buy more than 3 tickets, but I am still licking my wounds from the Counting Crows / John Mayer / Maroon 5 show at the Gorge, where I bought 4 tickets and ended up having to sell 2 of them at half price to some creepy guy who had a wad of twenties. So I only bought 3 with a few people specifically in mind. Looking back, I wish I had bought more and simply "E-Bayed" them... but you live and learn, right? Well, for those of you who need a small glimpse of what I am going to be doing this Wednesday night, I invite you to partake of this video. The second half of it just sends chills up my spine, making me think, "That is going to be me in 2 days!"

Coldplay - Fix You (Video)

.: alive in the silence :.

I figure that today is the day that I break the period of silence on this blog with some kind of expression of sorrow for having not written for some time, matched with shedding some light on why exactly it went down like this. It's not as if I began to believe that no one was reading my thoughts. Many of you have been such a consistent encouragement to me with regards to keeping up with this medium of communication and engagement (for which I thank you once again - it means more than you may think). And it's not as if I forgot that I had a blog to begin with. There have been more times than I can even count that I stared at a blank page wishing that something would come together that I could offer to you all. And every time I booted up the internet on my laptop, I was reminded of how long it has been with even the smallest glance of my homepage (this very website - surprise, surprise!).

But the truth be told, I haven't written for some time because I have really been in a new sort of place recently with certain events that have occured in my life. And every time I thought of sharing some of my thoughts from the various highs and lows that have happened along the path, all of them felt way too personal to simply lay out on such an impersonal format such as this. Strangely enough, day and night find me in a place where I feel more isolated than ever before... though not completely alone. But the very things that I would love to share with you are ultimately unfit to print because they would be nothing short of dishonoring, in the sense that I would be casting them as less meaningful than they have felt. This certainly is not to say that this blog is designed to be shallow dribble for you to consider on your way to better web pages, but nothing that I have run into (or better yet, has run into me) feels like it is even remotely close to being something I would want to share.

I haven't been here before, in a place where "personal" and "intimate" felt so doggone threatening. But even greater than that, it has left me feeling like very few would have no clue about what I am wrestling with... but feelings, fears, and pains as deep as I have been experiencing them recently have no words to them that can be published. Not ones such as these! Even to the point that a sense of repackaged apathy, paired with an apparently self-consuming refusal to care about my impact upon others (for good or bad), have been dogging my heels.

There is nothing more crushing to experience at times than the sense that you could not be more fully aware of your own faults, inconsistencies, and habits than you are at that moment... and than realizing that there is not a single space in your heart or mind that seems to have any clue as to how to bring a radical halt to all of those ruthless inner companions on the journey of faith (which at this space in time could be just as much away from it as towards it - the reality of it going either way even seems to be one of the last cares on my mind). Liberated... freed... roaming... shocked... existing... eyes wide open... awake... overwhelmed... speechless. These have been some of the very words that touch upon what keeps me from what seemed so common and compelling before. And where it goes from here in every sense of the concept remains to be seen. Very few promises from here on out!