.: traditions :.

I am a member of a "traditional" family. And one of those great traditions is getting dressed up and going shopping as a family along with all the other nutcases who are choosing to spend 8 hours on their feet. Today is that day! Today is the day that we go to the same mall, look at the same stores, try out the newest models of the same toys, and go to the same restaurant for our same spaghetti dinner. And the crazy thing is... I totally enjoy it! I enjoy getting to be with my parents and siblings, although my attitude will probably be different after I have mingled with all those insane shoppers. But overall, I really enjoy getting to spend the day with them and create opportunities for new memories to laugh about next year. Traditions like this are ones that I look forward to. And it is just one of the couple traditions that make up a time of the year that I love best!

.: sixteen hours to go :.

Yes, as my friend Wes so kindly pointed out, I haven't had much time to post to my blog lately. What with a paper to polish off and an Old Testament final to prepare for, I have been a little busy! This final is looming over my head, and I have spent all day indoors trying to get ready for a test that determines a large percent of my grade. So being the perfectionist that I am, I have refused to do much more than study (outside of the occassional break of checking email, reading blogs, watching a Simpson's episode, and drinking tons of water to get rid of the bug that I have managed to catch)! I will just just keep studying until they force me to go to class and take the test. And then... it will all be over!



Until then, you might check out the links on the far left side of this page!

.: weekend ramblings :.

I rarely ever write something plain on this blog, so I thought I might do just that by sharing about my weekend. I got two major papers done on Friday and Saturday (which gave me wicked cabin fever) so I spent the rest of the weekend just chilling out. I went to go see a good movie with my cousin over in Richmond, and my parents ended up coming to have dinner with me and the relatives at a place just down the street from my house. So I really cannot complain - a fair amount of work to do but plenty of space to prepare for this new week.



This being the final week of the Fall quarter, people are beginning to stress out because of all the papers and finals that are hitting them in the face. I for one have no voice whatsoever among them because I am taking slightly easier classes, so I am caught up - only one final to prepare for, which evidently is in nine days (no sweat!). So as everyone shifts into panic mode, I am oblivious and unable to complain about anything. Which will probably make me a pretty lonely person up here since I am surrounded by a "system of stress" for the next week and a half!



Let the countdown to temporary freedom begin!

.: solitude unto life :.

Yesterday I had the privledge of hearing a man by the name of Alvin Ung preach in my "Preaching and Worship" tutorial. He spoke out of the passage found in John 7:53-8:11, and did a powerful job of allowing us to enter into its rich truths. But one of the things that he said which spoke to my heart was this line;



"Jesus' solitude allows Him to minister in a life-giving manner."



That was such a powerful thought because of how I view myself. I want so desperately to be a person who is used by God to offer life to others. But as Alvin so richly brought out, the whole context of the passage begins by Jesus entering into a time and space of silence in which His heart could be restored by the Father. ("Then each went to his own home.... but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.") That makes the passage come that much more alive to me.



If I attempt to offer life apart from communion with the Father... if I choose to forego aligning my heart with His... I cannot offer real life to others. At least not on a long-term basis. Christ was able to offer life to that woman caught in adultery ("Then neither do I condemn you... go now and leave your life of sin.") amidst a setting of death and destruction (verse 3-6 in which the teachers of the Law sought not only for her death, but Christ's also) because of His divine communion and fellowship with the Father.



I see this not as a step to use in order to get the results I want, but rather as permission... as freedom... as liberation. I am invited to come be who the Father designed me to be... and that begins by creating space for Him to enter into and meet with me in the most intimate of terms.



I offer life by first receiving life... Hallelujah!

.: a day much as any day :.

I discovered something incredible in a park near our house today... my strength. As I was walking to the bus stop, I suddenly came across a renewed sense of identity. Why? Why like this? Why now, God? I hadn't done anything different. In fact, I kind of managed to forego my morning devotions. So it couldn't have been the instance of a quiet time of reflection. I hadn't prayed a long or honest prayer (as if those two ideas are synonomous)... so that couldn't have been where my new found confidence was coming from.



To tell you the truth, as I really thought about it, the only reasons that I could think of were the fact that I was wearing a brand new dress shirt... and that I had spent the morning working through a case study for my counseling class. Those two things were the only elements that I could point to and say, "Aha! A method... a pattern... a way of getting it back if I ever lose it again!". Clothes (pause... take a breath) and homework. How un-stinking-orthodox is that! But that is the truth... those are the only reasons that I could come up with.



Now I could try and break this down, make it sound all spiritual. I could embrace the fact that it just feels good to be wearing new clothes. There is something about unwashed fabric that makes a person feel bold... strong enough to take on the ego crushing blows of any female! So that is the answer to my problem - just changing my wardrobe on a consistant basis.



But come to think of it, for some goofy reason, I chose to wear the same shirt today that I wore yesterday. (Okay, for those of you who need to, take a moment and acknowledge just what a bacholar thing that is of me to do!) And I didn't have the sort of "owned honesty" about myself 24 hours ago that I am possessing this moment. So despite my flashy American Eagle threads, that cannot be the real reason.



Was it my homework? I had to work through a simple case study in which I am to write a couple pages about how I would counsel someone through a range of issues and emotions. Was that why I was suddenly feeling so sure of who I am and what I have been called to in "life"? That almost seems to make more sense. After all, I was touching on an aspect of the type of pastoral ministry that I feel called to. But it was just typing a paper - I didn't actually change anyone's life. So as close as it may be to explaining this renewal, I don't think that was the cause for it.



Do you want to know what I think the answer really is?



I think it simply occured around 10:30AM in the middle of some random park in downtown Vancouver... because God just chose to speak to my heart with such passion at that moment that I suddenly felt renewed in such a powerful way. At that point in my life, His heart chose to speak to mine... and through that speaking, He cleared my view and allowed me to see myself once again. In that moment, He simply chose to offer me grace.



The same grace that He chooses to speak to me - as quiet and subtle as it may be - throughout each day. The type of grace that I cannot manipulate. Try as I may, I cannot control it or make it occur upon my command. Grace that is poured out on me... beyond my ability to reasonably manage it!



Father, give me eyes to see that grace... and the desire to hold on to it with such passion!