.: somewhat unbearable :.

If you love me, then why did you let me go? If you care so much for me, why did you turn away? Where were you in the moments of my greatest need? When I sought an answer, I got everything but a response. Never has it been so clear to me that you have no obligation to never leave me exposed. And now your movements have succeeded in only leaving me numb. I feel a sadness that wrenches away all hopes of sharing in another soul's joy. Was the pain that I felt in those hours enough to accomplish what you were hoping for? I was nothing short of completely foolish to ever think that I was untouchable. I had no doubt that both good and unpleasant have their place in the lives of those that follow and those that do not. But in times like there, I am only left wondering if I truly do stand where I have staked my claim so many times before. These are the days that consume the barricades of my heart and soul, melting away anything that does not have some sort of substance to it. And I have kept myself quiet long enough, or so I think, long enough for you to make your presence felt. But I fear you may have come and gone in the time that it took me to gather my thoughts and give credit where credit was due. Is there any way that you could speed things up, maybe allow the time that you hold within your hands to heal all my gapping wounds? Oh me of little faith, but I could have sworn that you said that you would be with me through it all, giving me nothing that would push me beyond my limits. This right here feels pretty deafening. Hard or soft, my heart may never be the same past this line on the floor. All the elements of life and death have served in volleying me between hope and discomfort. And I repent of taking anything and everything for granted. Shame on me for believing that I could trust in the One that holds my life to not expose me to that which purifies beyond recognition. I mean, can I really ever get my hopes up again? Or should I let disappointment guide my every mixed emotion? There is little to no honor in these words, but they come from a soul that is learning to rebuild a life one piece at a time. Far below them are attempts to know for certain if this is a sign of things to come. Have all these glances towards glory been to prepare me for when the rug would be completely pulled out from under me? Or has it been to make known all the doubts and dismissals that I have swept under it? I pray that what this has cost me is worth it in the end, for I would hate to think that you are in the business of overdoing it to simply prove your point.