Do you understand what it feels like to be abandoned? Left with no idea how you will survive the road ahead. Stripped of all sense of confidence and peace. Riddled with fears that you may soon be exposed and made the fool. You who so consistently walk away, leaving me to give explanations that I am not prepared to give. Do you even suspect just what this does to me? To be isolated from the stillness that comes in knowing the truth. No doubt, this could have been cured long ago. We could have arranged for moments such as these. Nevertheless, neither one of us could have known that it would go on for as long as it has. What scares me is how you left with such gracious thoughtlessness. Did you really only consider yourself? The season draws you away from community. Fellowship is shattered by rationalized determination, though the cause is none other than you. Your choices were unexpected, but the results leave me with the greater load to bear. And I suspect that even a finely crafted argument would not keep you from walking away. The separation seems profound from where I stand. Was there honestly nothing you could do? Alarms are going off all around me, as well as deep within. I wish that I did not have to depend upon you. Shall I make provisions for the future? It is a frightening thing to place your trust in another soul, knowing that they can abuse it if they so choose. But I cannot have what lies here without surviving such desertion. I guess I would understand, if only slightly, if you had to go. But this was a verdict delivered by the hands of your own misled desires. And it is causing me to genuinely despise the elements that so often lure you away from here. I had hoped that you would stick it out, that you would remain here and find another way. But your history gives you away as a man who cannot make easy decisions such as these. Shall I mark you with the assertion that you just do not get it? Time will bear witness to these wonderings. Until then, I will find another way to escape being crippled by the loneliness. I will trust in the One who holds me in His hand... knowing that He has allowed you to leave.
Friday, June 1, 2007
.: blinding abandonment :.
Do you understand what it feels like to be abandoned? Left with no idea how you will survive the road ahead. Stripped of all sense of confidence and peace. Riddled with fears that you may soon be exposed and made the fool. You who so consistently walk away, leaving me to give explanations that I am not prepared to give. Do you even suspect just what this does to me? To be isolated from the stillness that comes in knowing the truth. No doubt, this could have been cured long ago. We could have arranged for moments such as these. Nevertheless, neither one of us could have known that it would go on for as long as it has. What scares me is how you left with such gracious thoughtlessness. Did you really only consider yourself? The season draws you away from community. Fellowship is shattered by rationalized determination, though the cause is none other than you. Your choices were unexpected, but the results leave me with the greater load to bear. And I suspect that even a finely crafted argument would not keep you from walking away. The separation seems profound from where I stand. Was there honestly nothing you could do? Alarms are going off all around me, as well as deep within. I wish that I did not have to depend upon you. Shall I make provisions for the future? It is a frightening thing to place your trust in another soul, knowing that they can abuse it if they so choose. But I cannot have what lies here without surviving such desertion. I guess I would understand, if only slightly, if you had to go. But this was a verdict delivered by the hands of your own misled desires. And it is causing me to genuinely despise the elements that so often lure you away from here. I had hoped that you would stick it out, that you would remain here and find another way. But your history gives you away as a man who cannot make easy decisions such as these. Shall I mark you with the assertion that you just do not get it? Time will bear witness to these wonderings. Until then, I will find another way to escape being crippled by the loneliness. I will trust in the One who holds me in His hand... knowing that He has allowed you to leave.
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You put into words what I have felt in years past. It brings back memories! I love your final confidence "I will trust in the One who holds me in His hand..." In fact, Dave, since we are the body of Christ we are not only held in His Hands, WE ARE HIS HANDS!; Great confidence--JJR
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