.: resolved to reality :.

When it comes to the Christian faith, I seem to have the heart of a realist. My eyes are open to what lies ahead of me, and in each necessary moment, I tend to speak the truth. Somehow we have conceived the ideal believer as a person who moves beyond feeling and throws themselves into dutiful action. I, on the other hand, tend to stand back and give myself the needed time to investigate why my spirit is so resistant to that particular call. I have been raised by communities led by those that teach us to assume that it is just the right thing to do, and how it sits with me inside has little to nothing to do with our responsibility. They call us to disconnect from the alarms going off within us. But after all these years, each and every one of us has suffered for it. I have no doubt that life is far too precious to spend most of it sitting on the sidelines wondering if we really have what it takes. But it is also far too divine for us to disengage from what our hearts are telling us in every situation that we encounter. For every man that calls me to do what is commanded of me, my response is more often than not one of considering what that requires of me, matched with the search for absolute resolve to make that a dynamic of my vision and passion. Christ is crafty, is He not? He has a way of always meeting us right where we are. The stories of the Gospels record narratives about a man who seemed to have a fresh approach to every situation that He found Himself in. To the brokenhearted, He became a balm through words and actions. To the stubborn and insincere, His words cut like a knife through all the facades and got right to the heart of the issue at hand. Never did He raise His voice in a moment that did not clamor for it. Slow and methodical; only some of the fascinating dynamics of the Christ figure that we read about in the Scriptures. Not just someone who acted or reacted to the crisis before Him, but rather a soul that knew that to overreact might cost Him an opportunity that had been long in the making. That is why I long to be someone who takes the time to care. That is why I long to be someone who ponders the various elements before moving on incomplete plans or information. But even more so, this is a part of my foundation as an individual that so often sees a weakening heart beneath the outward shell of a person "sold out to God". I am content to leave the shouting to the leaders at the so-called front lines. For I am someone who longs to know another brother or sister for who they truly are, no matter how far they fall from the call to follow Him. I am committed to investing myself in the stories that are being written all around me to the extent that I am allowed to do so. And though others may not be, I am more than fine with calling things as they truly appear, even at the cost of being dead wrong at first glance. I long for deep honesty, the kind of integrity that desires to be truthful about where one is at, even if it costs them their reputation and granted respect. I want to be the sort of person that can brush aside what everyone else says about me, and can look clearly at where I am at in the process of being and becoming. I would far rather be in a place where I can call myself out than to rest in the accolades of witnesses that have no clue what lies beneath the surface. And I would far rather be in the sort of place where I am able to invite others out of hiding and into the kind of light that grants us freedom from the impressions that we feel forced to give. That is the frontline for me, the place where the Enemy most often seems to attack us, at the point of our greatest temptation and weakness. And by God's grace, that is where you will find me for years to come!