.: my existential wish list :.

I wish that I could walk around this world and remain unaffected.
I wish that I did not have to look certain people in the eyes.
I wish that I could disconnect from the things that make me cry in my sleep.
I wish that I lived further away from the broken people that surround me.
I wish that I was not so aware of the places that they have been.
I wish that I made greater connections with the joy all around me, rather than all the pain.
I wish that I was better at communicating with a simple smile.
I wish that I could remain detached from the endless expressions of suffering.
I wish that I could wake to a world where there were no poor or underprivileged.
I wish that I was not so familiar with defeat and loss.
I wish that I was not so good at finding so many other places to go to escape.
I wish that I could hold off the reasons that demand so great of a sacrifice.
I wish that I could make it so that what everyone had was exactly what he or she required.
I wish that I could face every sickness and disease with brighter eyes.
I wish that I could fix it so that anger and resentment was not a way of life.
I wish that I could let my sadness reach only so deep and no further than that.
I wish that I could enforce laughter as a mandatory rule of being.
I wish that I was better at keeping it all together myself.
I wish that I could promise others that all the confusion serves a noble purpose.
I wish that I could provide a way for others to escape their fears.
I wish that I could settle my soul with the truth that no one is alone.
I wish that I was better at mending a broken heart.
I wish that I could get away with using more than only what I truly needed.
I wish that I could convince everyone of something greater than simple survival.
I wish that I could provide them with a safer place to live.
I wish that I did not have different sides to pick.
I wish that I could allow every child to keep their innocence throughout their early years.
I wish that I was surrounded with sweeter melodies than the dirges that more often fill my ears.
I wish that I could take away the shame that weighs everybody down.
I wish that I did not feel so bound to my neighbor.
I wish that I could find a way to silence the inward urgings to make a difference.
I wish that I could suddenly find myself in a better world, with or without a reason.
I wish that there were far fewer questions than convincing answers.
I wish that my words were a cure for it all.
I wish that they made even the slightest difference.
I wish that my happiness was more contagious and incurable.
I wish that my every hope was here and now.
I wish that I was not so aware of all these ideas in my head.

I wish that I could remain untouched by it all.
But more than all these things, I want to be awake and alive.

Even so, I cannot find a way to embrace all such realities with my whole heart.