.: whatever is new :.

Not sure if I can put it into words. Everything feels like it has been done before. Come to the end of what I started, only to find myself tossed between fear and courage. Something new feels within my grasp, maybe something that will help me push through. None of this will earn me a cent, yet I do it... because it feels at times like a release. I don't need for you to come through for me anymore. The words were right - there are liars everywhere. We all wanted to be somebody. I know I want to be somebody. Life has so many avenues that we can go down, so many of them ending in the same routine. The skies are grey now. I was hoping to get here. Here I am... now I want to be somewhere else. There is no method to the madness, no code behind these words. They are simple and true, nothing more or less than as they appear to us both. Do you understand the energy and dedication that it requires to make the masses happy with you? There is no in and out, only the half promise that something or someone will come through. Who of us has not been given what we longed for on a silver platter? Right, I know, I will appreciate far more that which cost me something. But can you really say that your own life is not littered with the mistakes that await so many of us now? I have done this because I thought it might help. I thought it might get me somewhere. I thought it could help me recognize myself. Instead it has only given me the privilege of scratching the surface. You are not going to get it! Stop putting the pieces together. There really doesn't have to be a reason for what has occured. Just let it be. You call it torment... and I call it discovery. You have found what you were looking for. I guess I never could make a reputation by making sense. Some find it easier than myself. I was never able to create something of much more substance than as much help as it was to you at the time. We all have been lying to each other. What were you expecting? Do your part to make it stop!