.: dealing with the shifts :.

There is often a place between where I am leaving and where I am heading to, and in that space lays incredible sadness, intense loneliness, irresistible mystery, and an eerie silence... especially on the part of God. Like so many other people, I hate to not be "home". I hate to be parting company with those who offer me love and safety and acceptance and protection and "a place where I belong". I hate airplanes, I hate driving away, I hate moving on, and I especially hate goodbyes (no matter how temporary they are). No, maybe not all the time, but a lot of the times when a special period of fellowship has developed and a small tight group has forged its way through some adventure, I hate coming to the end of it... no matter how much lies ahead for me at my next destination. I hate those lengthy transitions when you are moving back into your current place of residence from a period of joyous reunions and restoring fellowship. I hate having to leaving those spaces of time to go back into what was seemingly acceptable just a few days ago. I don't handle those shifts very easy at times because at a soul level, it feels like the abandonment of what I was built for. At times, I almost even feel forced out to return to my place of strengthening, preparation, and maturing. Why can I not simply find that place and never have to see the end of it? It's as if one must not venture out of what each day has brought them into simply because the slightest change of conditions or location brings on a wave of something that is nothing short of full-blown grief. It is that very sorrow that I despise, though it does in fact remind me that I am built for something greater than the temporary situations that I flit around among. Will I never be allowed to find what my heart is longing for - a space that assumes no time limit? Will I ever be offered a home without some sort of boundaries or shortcomings? I long for that kind of companionship... for that sort of dwelling... for that depth of eternal satisfaction!