.: up to something :.

I am beginning to learn that this camp draws people of all types. So far, I have run into the typical outdoorsy type, the alternative randomly dressed type, the "jock Christian" type, the all-around funny guy type, the strict personality sapped type, the BMOC (big man on campus) type, the shy quiet type, the "everybody's friend" type, and the average Joe who I seem to gravitate towards myself. This experience is throwing curves daily, and I find myself strangely lost and confused in the midst of them, asking God time and time again, "What are You thinking? What are You doing? What are You up to?". My heart aches for the people that I see to be heading into potential problems (with other summer staff, with the job they will be working, with the cliques that are rooted in even this place, etc.). I feel surrounded by people, many of whom, I feel like I cannot trust. Most of these people are not like me, and that seems to leave me in a restless place of heart and mind. These people need something that will allow them to embrace people of every kind (odd, weird, nerdy, awkward, geeky, quiet, silly, etc.) - ultimately, that being Christ. These people need Christ. All of them. I have very few people that I feel like I can be myself around, leaving the rest to keep me at arm's length because of my leadership position (apparently, that makes me someone who upholds the rules, and typically no one likes the person who does that). That alone bothers me on a level deeper than I can even begin to explain. There are all these cliques, and in all honesty, even the Staff Counselors (like me) have our own group. But it breaks my heart that just by the natural establishment of this crazy thing called "community", we are all given a place and told to stay there (no one is allowed to cross over, and many would never choose to do so). Yes, even this place bears witness to the Great Fall of Humanity, what with it's people who honestly could not care less about the spiritual emphasis of this place. We are just thrown together and told to exist - that and that alone bothers me! And what might be my place in all of this? How can I be used by God to bring about a shift, a change, a sway, a course correction? Nothing. Nothing but stand and watch. Nothing but stand and watch and pray. Nothing but stand and watch and pray and trust. The greatest thing that I can do is trust God and have enough faith in Him to believe that He is doing something beautiful and creative and heart-impacting and life-changing.


Me and the other Summer Staff