.: graduate fears :.

So on the day of my first class for the 2005 Winter term, I was gripped with a fear that has become somewhat common to me during my time here at Regent; the fear that today might be the day that everyone finds out that I don't belong here. I am studying among some mental heavyweights, so you will understand why I so often am faced with such a possibility. I am downright fearful that I will somehow be singled out by either a professor or specific students, and by way of something that I either say or don't say, they will realize that I am playing in a league higher than I am geared and prepared for.



But then I did as I so often do, just as when I have been confronted with that fear in the past. I reminded myself (but better yet, the Spirit reminded me) that I have everything that it requires to be here. I reminded myself that I deserve to be here... and even more, that I have been led here by the Father. I may feel myself to be an oddity at this graduate school, but in the end, Regent needs people like me as much as it needs other types. No one holds an advantage over me in terms of being any more human... any more created by God... or any more worthy in the eyes of the Father.



Certain people may get things quicker than I do. That's okay. Certain people may understand a particular field or system or author than me. That's fine. Certain people may be able to recall every single thing that they have been taught since Kindergarden. But I have no reason to run or hide. I have no reason to play dumb or avoid situations that might expose me as not knowing as much as everyone else. That doesn't mean that I am ignorant! I have worked hard to be where I am... and even more, I have been brought here and belong here. Other people's abilities fall far from dictating who I am as a person.