.: confusion as friend :.

In preparation for my sermon for "Preaching & Worship" class, I have been working through the passage of Isaiah 50:10-11 in the hopes of "wrestling with the text" in such a way that I can offer some explanation, encouragement, and exhortation (please note the three different points and the shared first letter for all the Baptist pastors in the crowd) to my listeners. One of the books that I have been reading for the sake of study has been Larry Crabb's "Connecting" (props to Mark Eaton for the recommendation) and all I can say is "WOW!" Here is one of the sections that spoke to me more as a maturing (yet failing) human being than as "Mr. Sermon Prep" guy;



"For those who enjoy discovery because they know a good God is moving through the chaos toward a wonderful conclusion, mystery poses no problem. It is welcomed. Explain what you can, and relax even when you can't. But for those ruled by a passion to explain, for those who insist on feeling confident in their own plans, mystery is offensive. They want to know exactly what they must do to provide for their economic future, to restore harmony in their relationships, to succeed in their career or ministry. Confusion is an enemy. Uncertainty is a challenge to overcome."



That hit me so hard because I so often see the times in my life when things seem so extremely quiet and lackluster, especially in my relationship with God, as being some sort of failure on my own part. And when God fails to let me in on what He is doing in my life, I either condemn Him as not caring about me, or simply not being in control at all. Chaos seems like the last thing that would have the fingerprints of God all over it... and yet it is in those times (what seems like day after day), God is most at work and most "alive" with passion, accomplishing something that is a masterpiece - grander than anything that I could ever do on my own feeble strength.



I am a creature who loves to be in control, and for me to have to surrender that control (what feels so strong in my hands at times, and yet so inadequate to manipulate what I would need to change to make my own will happen) to Christ feels like nothing short of insanity. Surrender control? I have spent so much time gathering it up, piece by piece... and you want me to surrender it to You, God? Why? What will You do with it? What will You choose to do with ME? I heard the illustration once from Eaton that as we attempt to hand God our list of plans and agendas for Him to sign in adherement, He rips it up and hands us back a blank sheet of paper for our own signature of agreement.



Faith is dark. Faith is mysterious. Faith is quiet when we need to hear what is going on, and speaks to us at some of the most inconvenient times. But if I read Crabb right, it is simply all a matter of perspective. And from my own experience, I know that he is right. For in those times when my heart has trusted God and been committed to whatever He wants to do in and through me, I am open to and inviting of mystery. But if something causes me to mistrust God on some subtle level, confusion is simply another cause for me to shake my fist in His face and hold on to my supposed regret of ever having given my life to Him in the first place. God is very real... and His heart is very loving... but beyond all doubt, His ways are sooo much higher than our own and our siding with Him out of love never promised us a life of full comprehension and insight into our future. Faith is a simple matter of walking with the Father in such a way that the moments and thoughts and words of each day stand for themselves and speak to the ongoing relationship that holds more value than any ability to control it for even a second.